Keeping Love Alive:
Advice
to Keep it Dynamic Punjabi-born
broadcast therapist, published author, advice
columnist, and talk show host, Rebecca Rosenblat,
aka Dr. Date, is a critically acclaimed relationship
and sexuality guru to the media and masses alike.
Through her nightly talk show, monthly advice
columns, and relationship and sexuality books
and seminars, she has reached a captive audience
of millions. As well, Rebecca continually runs
successful seminars for The Learning Annex, Mensa,
various therapists and educators conferences and
trades shows, and contributes to countless articles
worldwide.
Sunita
and Jasbir started out with the perfect Bollywood
wedding, a perfect starter home, and perfect starter
careers. But soon, the quest for betterment sent
them on a challenging journey - better jobs, bigger
house, better cars, starting a family, keeping
up with the Singhs. What they hadn’t counted
on was that bigger isn’t always better -
especially when it spells a larger mortgage and
longer working hours. So they did what most people
in their shoes do - took time away from each other
to keep up with other obligations. Didn’t
take long for them to feel spent, without getting
recharged. And the lesser they did for each other,
the more each felt that their partner had changed/didn’t
love them anymore. Sunita began complaining more
and more, while Jasbir started to become resentful.
Sound familiar? If you want to avoid this trap,
here’s top ten "rules" to help
ya keep it dynamic!
| 1. |
Always make time for each other, no matter
what else is going on. And this time needs
to be very special, where you do something
which brings you closer together - fun activity,
intimate conversation, bedroom time. Aunties
will understand if you skip an occasional
function to "do romance" - and hopefully
the gossip will inspire other couples. |
| 2. |
Make up your mind to only see the good in
your partner, like you used to when you started
out, giving them the benefit of the doubt
instead of sweating out small stuff. And when
you do see that good, praise them. Criticism
does not belong in a relationship, unless
it’s constructive, with a specific purpose
to it - resolving an issue before it gets
out of hand, expressing concern over a fixable
issue, etc. |
| 3. |
When
something goes wrong, look for simple explanations,
not bad, ulterior motives. Simple explanations
lead to simple solutions. If she overspent
on her trip to India, she wasn’t deliberately
out to get you. |
| 4. |
Respect each other enough to really hear each
other out and be empathetic toward each others
needs and feelings. Attentiveness is next
to godliness. |
| 5. |
Never let the sun go down without resolving
anger or doing a daily mental check-up. Put
yourself in your partner's shoes and see how
you would feel receiving what you gave them
- both good and bad - each day. |
| 6. |
If a situation calls for a compromise and
you're willing to make it, do it sooner than
later. If you do it after Dadima’s lecture,
she’ll get credit for it, not you. |
| 7. |
Always keep the passion alive. Nurture your
relationship both in and out of bed, doing
nice things for each other whether they’re
deserved or not. Add variety whenever you
can - no matter how spicy something is, we
get used to it after a while and the masala
needs tweaking. |
| 8. |
Make
sure your checks and balances are squared
away as far as giving and expectations are
concerned. You can’t expect to get something
out of your relationship if you haven’t put
anything into it. If you haven’t been loving
and attentive, expect the bedroom to be colder
than usual. |
| 9. |
Claim responsibility for your own happiness
and well-being. In other words, if despite
their best efforts, something goes wrong,
don’t blame your partner for it. You need
to nurture your own self-esteem and happiness
to make sure you don’t become an unhappy burden.
As much as I wish for real life to be as predictable
as Bollywood, he’s not going to weep like
Shahrukh Khan when you pout when he lets you
down; and she wont be able to cater to all
your needs, while juggling a family and career,
not to mention managing to always look oh-so-perfect.
|
| 10. |
To
make each other feel special, do something
special for each other. |
Surprise
each other for no reason. Be extra warm and affectionate.
Show compassion, acceptance, sensitivity. Be supportive,
understanding, friendly and kind in times of need.
For more helpful hints on making it hotter, please
visit www.drdate.com.