Cubicle Romance: Proceed with Caution

We spend more time at work than anywhere else. So it's no surprise that 8-10 million employees start an office romance every year. If you're considering an after-hours affair, read these guidelines...

It's hard to be objective when you're attracted to someone. However, before you send that flirtatious email, try to step back and get perspective. What is your company's attitude towards fraternization? Are you in a reporting relationship? Are you putting your career at risk?

Explains Sufina, a 31 year-old lawyer, "I once developed a crush on my boss. Although the feeling seemed to be mutual, I realized that I was in dangerous territory and restrained. I'm so glad I did."

Be casual. Ask him or her out to lunch. If he or she makes excuses more than once or twice, they're probably not interested. If you do meet for lunch, start in the cafeteria, then perhaps graduate to an outside venue. Occasionally drop by their cubicle to chitchat, send an email or ask to meet for a coffee. Only proceed if you're getting a warm response and are being reciprocated. If all goes well, you can then ask him or her out for dinner.

Rizwan, a 24-year-old business student, describes one hard lesson. "I was working as a summer student at a bank. I really began to like this girl. I made an ass out of myself, asking her out and sending her emails and she finally asked me to stop. I should have realized that she wasn't interested and left it alone...everyone knew and thought it was "cute" but it didn't look too professional. I was really worried about getting hired back."

Unless company rules require you to disclose your relationship, keep things quiet. This includes "office pals". Be discreet, professional, and lie if you have to. Even if people begin to find out, don't act like a couple at work.

Discretion can be difficult, but it's worth it. "I'm now married to my cubicle sweetie," say Ash, a 35-year-old businessman. "But the trick was that we kept it really, really quiet until we were ready. My wife had a lot of friends at work and we didn't want any gossip or meddling."

If things are getting serious, then you'll need to discuss your career and relationship long term. It is also appropriate to tell your supervisors. On the other hand, you may be like Sunny, a 28-year old doctor, who realized that the relationship with a fellow doctor was not going to work. "It was too much -- seeing her during the day and at night. Plus, she'd really get on my case if she saw me talking to anyone. We broke it off." Sunny is not alone. More often than not, office romances do not last.

End the relationship graciously. Agree to avoid each other where possible. Do not discuss each other's faults or feel the need to explain why things didn't work out. And if you're ready to move on, think carefully before attempting another office relationship.