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Dr. Date - Past Disclosures
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12/28/2007 1:43:00 AM
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Past Disclosures:
To Tell
or Not to Tell
Punjabi-born
broadcast therapist, published author, advice
columnist, and talk show host, Rebecca Rosenblat,
aka Dr. Date, is a critically acclaimed relationship
and sexuality guru to the media and masses alike.
Through her nightly talk show, monthly advice
columns, and relationship and sexuality books
and seminars, she has reached a captive audience
of millions. As well, Rebecca continually runs
successful seminars for The Learning Annex, Mensa,
various therapists and educators conferences and
trades shows, and contributes to countless articles
worldwide.
Gazing
into each others eyes, mentally undressing - as
in sharing, not imagining each other without clothes
- you wonder how far you should go? Where do you
draw the line between let’s-get-to-know-each-other-better,
show-off, and too-much-information? The question
becomes: To tell or not to tell - whether ‘tis
nobler to take the honest approach and reveal
all, or to hold back some? The answer: Depends
on how relevant and productive the detail. We
all know that our partners have a past - we’d
be worried if they didn’t - we just don’t
want it in bed with us. So exactly how much of
our past should we reveal? Herewith, some helpful
hints:.
| • |
If
it’s relevant, spill before it kills
- past baggage, addictions, medical conditions,
financial troubles, etc. If it’s irrelevant,
skip it - past relationships that didn’t
produce kids or marriage, and sexual history
that didn’t produce an incurable STDs
or trauma. Face it, if it’s in the
past and has no bearing on the future, why
allow it to mess with the future? It’s
nobody’s business but your own! |
| • |
Share your adventures, but not necessarily
who you had them with. Resist the urge to
show off how you’re like Shahrukh Khan
or Aishwarya Rai - you’re not. Besides,
in real life, the lesser history you have
with others, the more comfortable your partner
will feel. |
| • |
Share
your fantasies, but leave out the part about
swinging off someone else’s chandelier.
You’re more likely to get your partner
to try it out if they feel you haven’t
already been there, done that, and might dare
to compare - if only in your head. And if
it’s something new you want to add to
your repertoire, you’re better off sharing
an article or a movie to get your idea across,
versus broaching the topic in the throes of
passion - less likelihood of them yelling,
"You want me to do what? ... And where
the hell have you been to get an idea like
that?" |
| • |
If you did yearly trips to India with your
ex and don’t care to anymore, or bought
her jewellery and now consider it a waste
of money, don’t tell your current partner
- they’ll always compare themselves
unfavourably and you’ll never look good.
Think about it - there really is no purpose
to it. |
| • |
Never force-feed details that your partner
isn't able to swallow/enjoy. Pain sensitivity
allows one to pull back before getting cut
too deep. |
| • |
Avoid
"mentionitis" at all costs - this
is where you can’t keep yourself from
talking about someone who fascinates you.
If the person is the same gender as your partner,
friend or not, platonic or not, it wont endear
you to them if you go overboard. After all,
is your partner really supposed to get excited
when you ask them to dress like your hot co-worker?
Would you? |
| • |
Never ever compare your current partner to
an ex, as in what they did or didn’t
do, for better or worse - just don’t,
period. "I’m so glad you’re
not as fat as him/her" is rarely seen
as a compliment; more like, "When the
hell is he/she going to forget about her/him?" |
| • |
In
this era which emphasizes "honesty",
letting it all hang out, take me as I am,
we tend to go into information overload -
unflattering as it may be. Just as you wouldn’t
wear your worst on a date, mentally dress
to impress as well. |
| • |
If
you’re recovering from an abusive relationship,
don’t go into too much detail. You’re
sending the message - look what someone thought
I deserved and how I didn’t have enough
self-esteem to stand up to them; look how
much I can put up with; etc - only suitable
if you’re looking for a therapist, not
a lover. No sob stories - tears only look
sexy on a Bollywood screen. |
| • |
Never ever put down your partner’s
gender - no jokes, innuendos or jerky ex
stories - no one enjoys being grouped that
way. Besides, each gender has a loyalty
to their own and feel as slighted as when
they hear a racial joke against their people,
told by an outsider. |
Bottom
line: It’s not so much what you say as what
you don’t say that factors as a deal maker.
So watch your mouth and maintain some mystery
- i.e., if in doubt, leave it out. Oral
diarrhea is a sure-fire way of having your partner
running.
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